GRIEVING COMMUNITY WHILE HEALING: The Silent Grief of Black Women Deconstructing Colonized Identity

You’re healing.

But it feels lonelier than you expected.

Because no one warned you that liberation might cost you your sense of belonging.

For many Black women, healing becomes a crossroads between identity and connection.

As you begin to untangle yourself from systems of survival, you may find that the very communities that once held you now feel cold & maybe even volatile.

The emptiness you feel.

That’s grief.

Not just for people—but for a version of you that kept you safe.

This is the grief no one talks about.

We speak about trauma. About boundaries. About rest.

But few talk about the silent, slow ache of outgrowing spaces you once called home.

The group chat grows quiet. The invitations shift. You laugh less at what once brought joy.

And suddenly you’re floating in a strange limbo: awake but alone.

It’s not personal—it’s systemic.

Black women have long been conditioned to choose proximity to safety over authenticity.

To center harmony over honesty. To blend in to avoid being blamed.

And so when you begin to heal, to disrupt, to remember who you really are—your very presence becomes disruptive to dynamics rooted in survival.

What you’re experiencing is the unveiling of performance-based belonging.

This disconnection wasn’t your fault—but now it’s your crossroads.

You can’t grieve what’s falling away without also making space for what’s becoming.

There’s something sacred happening underneath your discomfort.

You’re not just losing relationships—you’re being realigned for a more aligned form of sisterhood.

What you're shedding is the identity you were handed.

What’s being built within you is the community that can hold who you’re becoming.

So what now?

Let the grief move through you.

Honor it.

Name it.

But don’t mistake the shedding for isolation.

You are not being abandoned. You’re being consecrated.

Called into a deeper kind of connection that doesn’t demand your silence or sacrifice.

If you relate to this experience… You're not alone

—and you’re not meant to stay stuck in the in-between.

Start here: [https://youtu.be/ttJ5ESwI_7Q ]

Let’s walk this next part together.